I think I need a break from agility….actually, I need a break from everything.
I took Indie his third agility trial of 2016. Each time I felt the same thing – complete and utter disinterest in being there. Twice I left early….I wasn’t having fun. That in itself isn’t fair to my dogs or my husband.
It isn’t that it was the opposite of fun…it wasn’t streeful by any means. It was just complete and utter lack of any interest.
I still love to train my dogs – we still go to class each week (or we try to anyways) – I just have no interest in competition. Actually, I almost feel resentment to having to be there – which of course I don’t have to be there it is always of my own choosing.
I don’t know why I feel this way. I know Travis not being here is part of it – I still cry nearly everyday. It isn’t the same without him. Also, Indie…I feel like something isn’t right with him – and that in itself could be paranoia from loosing Travis so suddenly.
And then there is me. I hate the way I have let my health decline the way it has. Food has once again become my comfort “go to”…I desperately need to loose weight.
Agility will always be here…it isn’t going anywhere. If I step out of the picture for a few months (almost a year) I won’t “miss anything”. Besides, I can volunteer. I can stay connected by being connected.
I’ll still go to Regionals (already paid an ass load to be there), and possibly….POSSIBLY….Nationals, but otherwise I think I need to bow out for a while.
Maybe I can “hybernate” and emerge next March a new person. I’d like to be a new person.